Forgiveness VS Reconcilliation

Some may have heard my story and experience watching the movie "Overcomer."

When I began writing my life story, I had pushed a lot of the hurtful memories of my first marriage to the back of my memory. When Odis came in my life, he wanted me to never be hurt again. His one goal in life was to love me so much, I would forget the hurts.  He succeeded, and I never remembered them again until writing my book. I thought I had forgiven those who had hurt and wounded me, but recalling them, brought anger I didn't realize lived inside of me. Every time, I wrote about an incident and then again when I was editing, hatred would rise up inside me. I would think, how dare he to have done that to me or how could she have treated me with such disrespect and no regard for my marriage, as frail as it was. All the people involved had already passed on, so my anger was only hurting me! I couldn't even scream at them and tell them off.

The movie, Overcomer, changed my life. I cried through most of the film, and in one of the scenes, there was a spirit of forgiveness that came over me, and I forgave them and anyone else in my life that had wronged me, whether or not they had asked for forgiveness. I can't explain it, because it was a God-thing. When He does it, He does it right.  It has been almost a year, and even now, when I have to talk about those events or reread them, there is no anger. 

I don't know who may need this story, or maybe it's just for me to write it down and remember what God did for me, but I knew I had to blog it.

When Odis and I dated in 1973, I was having a tough time forgiving people for their part in wounding me, and he told me that "Forgiveness is not condoning." and reminded me, "When you forgive others, Suzie, forgive yourself."  I think part of my healing process that day was forgiving myself for allowing the woundings to happen. 

I used to say; I forgive my ex-husband, but I don't want to live next door to him. That would be a reminder of the hurt.

Most people say I forgive you, but I won't forget it. When friends or family continue hurting you, you don't want to keep putting yourself in a position to be hurt over and over. We are instructed to forgive many times, but we don't have to continue placing ourselves in a position to continue being hurt. In marriage conflicts, that's what divorce courts are for. You can divorce the person but not your emotions as quickly. It's even tougher if they are family members.

I do not connect forgiveness to reconciliation. That ball is in your court decision to reconcile with the person. Sometimes the one doing the wounding has not changed their behavior, and even though they ask for forgiveness, you know they would do it again if you gave them a chance. It is best to forgive them in your heart and move on.

Be blessed.